Productivity Tips I Totally Ignore Every Day
Keywords: productivity humor, procrastination, working from home, time management fails
There’s nothing like the rush of making a to-do list. That brief moment when you believe — truly believe — you’re about to conquer the world. You write things down. You color-code. You download a new app. And then… you nap. Or reorganize your spice rack alphabetically. Again.
The Illusion of Productivity
I once spent 45 minutes creating a task board in five pastel colors. I even added inspirational quotes like “Eat That Frog” and “Discipline = Freedom.” Then I celebrated by watching three YouTube videos about how to be productive — while eating cereal from the box. #grind
Common Productivity Tips (and Why I Ignore Them):
- Wake up at 5 AM.
That’s a bold assumption about my relationship with consciousness. - Time block your calendar.
I do! I just block time for “panicking” and “sobbing into coffee.” - Limit distractions.
Which is hard when my cat thinks my keyboard is a personal runway.
My Actual Productivity Routine:
- Open 12 tabs. Forget why.
- Start a task. Get distracted. Start a different task. Repeat.
- Check calendar. Feel overwhelmed. Eat a muffin.
Things I Tell Myself:
“I work better under pressure.”
“I’m more creative at night.”
“Let me just scroll for inspiration.”
“Checking email is productive... right?”
The Silver Lining
Okay, maybe I’m not a productivity ninja. But I do get things done — eventually. Usually while racing against a deadline with the intensity of a game show contestant. And you know what? That counts. Progress is progress, even if it's fueled by caffeine and existential dread.
So to my fellow procrastinators: you’re not lazy — you’re just selectively ambitious.
Posted under: Work Life | Tags: funny productivity, procrastination blog, remote work humor
